How long have I been missing this time?
I apologize guys… I apologize 🙂
This (2017) was supposed to be my year. I posted my Resolutions and I had ideas I jotted down in my head… I was so ready to take this year for myself but…
“When man a plan God a wipe”
I believe now, that before or even after the universe grants your greatest wish, it has to take something equally valuable away. You have to lose or give up on something to get another and I’m quickly learning to accept and appreciate that fact.
Anyway, here’s a piece of what went down while I was away.
I went to visit my grandmother last Christmas and she was ill. I thought it was a simple flu or cold. She kept coughing and she had trouble sleeping. I remember spending the whole night up with her once because she just could not fall asleep. She had a bruise on her foot that refused to heal mainly because she was diabetic but she promised me that it was under control and I left it alone.
I observed a lot of changes with her but I didn’t realize what was happening at the time. She kept forgetting things in a matter of minutes and she kept going in and out of sleep. I blamed all of this on the fact that she had a cold and she was tired.
I’m trying not to say too much because it’s not time yet so fast forward to January.
On the twelfth of January at about nine in the morning, Donavon called to let me know that my yard had been set on fire. The entire yard had been burnt. Luckily, neighbors were home and could call the fire brigade to fix the situation. I may have said it before but I panic for every reason so I was at work worrying about him being at the house cleaning up all the mess alone.
In the middle of thinking that this was the worst thing that could ever happen, I received another call. My aunt was on the line crying, letting me know my grandmother was being transported to the hospital. She called her and nothing she was saying on the phone made sense so she called a neighbor who went and found her in bed and out of it.
So I left work and went straight to the hospital.
The woman I saw was not the grandmother I saw about 2 weeks before. She was swollen, her eyes were yellow, she couldn’t manage her weight. I just broke down and I just kept looking up to the sky and telling God I just couldn’t believe he was putting me through this one more time.
The doctors ran a million tests without explaining one thing to me. If you know Jamaican hospitals you’d understand but that rant is for another day.
Long story short (or as short as possible) she was admitted to the hospital and I called my aunts and uncle to let them know.
I went back on the Monday to speak with the doctors to find out what was wrong and they explained that a heart issue we found out about years before (and had under control) had flared up along with some other issues that I won’t share right now. She spent another few days in the hospital where she wasn’t allowed to eat or consume fluids and for that entire time I could not fall asleep. I was so worried, so stressed because I was just thinking that I was going to lose her.
I don’t have the strength to get into the details so I’m jumping to the point.
On the 18th of January at about 6 o’clock in the morning I was getting ready for work and a call came in on my cell and I just prepared myself before I answered because I knew what I was going to hear. She died.
My family buried my grandmother exactly one month after she died on the 18th of February.
Every now and then I see something in the news and want to call her and I realize I cant. I get angry, I cry, I shut down but I handle it.
After all of that now I go to work one day and at the end of that day I was told that I was being laid off. I won’t say I was completely shaken up by it. I was a bit prepared because rumors were floating around but I was still a bit upset about it. I have a blog that I wrote about the experience but it sounded a bit angry( I’m not angry about it) so I didn’t post. I’m trying to edit it to post later on though.
I wrote a few blogs but none of them came out right. So I didn’t share.
I just didn’t feel the vibe to write anything. No new ideas were coming to me. All I wanted to write about was my loss and my anger. I wanted this blog to be a bit detailed but while writing I realized that it would be way too much for me to be reminded and for you to read.
But, I’m back and a lot has happened in the first third of the year that I can’t wait to share with you. I have pieces I started writing and left incomplete for whatever reason. So look out.